Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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