I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
