I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
where am i from again
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
