4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
