Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
