Only a mothe r could love this liver
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize