You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
