idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
