brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
