Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
