matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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