So drunk, too bad you don't want this
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
