im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
