took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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