Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
