He called his prostate his "boner button".
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
