I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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