Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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