I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
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