don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
