I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
