You're my little dorito
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I didn't notice because vodka
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
