HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
