I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
