I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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