Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
