At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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