just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
