After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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