My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
God, I missed his penis.
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