he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
