I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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