WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
