I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
