If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
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