so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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