you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
