No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
