:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
