Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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