Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize