What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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