butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
