Can Purell be used as lube?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize