what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i think i just lost a toe
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
