plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
