Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
