You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
