I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
