We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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