Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
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