I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
