: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
