I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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