false alarm. still invincible.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
