i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
