somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize