Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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