Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
