your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
