Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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