He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
