party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
