put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
