You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
