Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
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