i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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