yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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