Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My liver just broke up with me...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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