Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
50% drunk capacity currently
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
