I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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