so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
