it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
