Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
