Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
