his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
