I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
