Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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