It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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