guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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