Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
