Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
