She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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