Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize