I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
