Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
