I heard we made out
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
