Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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