(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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