He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's never too late to be topless.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
