if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
