whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
