You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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