I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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