i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
