Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
the condom got lost in my hair
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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