I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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