so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
