Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
