My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize