How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
