I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
