Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
