we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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