so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
50% drunk capacity currently
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
